Knowing
by BluEeYedBRunETte726
Summary: Another story about Lorelai's feelings post Partings...LL obviously...a little dramatic to start...please read and review anyway!
1. Knowing

A/N- Well this, like so many others, is post Partings, but please just read and give me your thoughts anyway!!

Disclaimer: not mine!!

She loved him; she knew that. There wasn't a doubt in her mind. She knew that she would always love him, no matter what. What she also knew was that she would not-could not-end it. She couldn't live without him; she needed him in more ways than anybody could ever imagine. She needed him to cheer her up when she was upset…she needed him to be able to talk to…she needed him as a food supplier, the love of her life, her fiancé, and most importantly, her best friend. He could always tell if something was wrong or how her day had gone, just by looking into her eyes. That was one thing she loved about him. He could always comfort her, even if he didn't know what was wrong. She loved that he was always there for her and for Rory. She loved that his number one priority always seemed to be making her happy. She loved that he would always eventually give in to her crazy antics. She loved that she could always count on him to come through for her when it meant the most.

The one thing she didn't love was that he could hurt her without even trying to…or even knowing he was, for that matter. While most of the time, he could read her like a book, sometimes, on rare occasions, he could be so oblivious…explosions could be going on around him and he wouldn't look up from whatever it was that he was doing. Or in this particular case, he could be ripping apart his fiancée's heart, bit by bit, and not even realize it…he could push her away and make her feel unloved, unwanted, and useless without knowing he was doing anything wrong. That was the only thing on the con side of her imaginary pro-con list, but it was big enough to count for three pros.

She knew all along that she couldn't actually go through with ending it…she wasn't strong enough for that. She was strong enough to raise her daughter alone at the young age of sixteen, she was strong enough to block out her entire family for most of said daughter's life…she was even strong enough to abandon her pride and admit to her mother that she had been right all along…that she might have a thing for the guy that poured her coffee everyday and to whom she could turn in any situation. She, however, was not strong enough to cut Luke Danes out of her life, and she knew it.

A/N- Ok…well, this was originally supposed to be a one-shot type of thing, but I thought that was a good place to end it…I know it was short, and for that I am sorry, but the next and most likely final chapter will be up so soon, you will be amazed…just kidding, but it will be up pretty fast. **Don't forget to review!!!!**You know you want to!!!


	2. Talking

I just recently reedited this chapter after reading it and seeing enough mistakes to drive me crazy, so same story, same plot, slightly better writing.

Disclaimer- no matter how many times I reedit this, the Gilmore Girls still won't be mine

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She needed to go talk to someone…she just wasn't sure who. Luke definitely wasn't an option considering this whole thing was about him. Rory was always an option, but as much as she loved her daughter, she just wasn't up to the drive to New Haven. The next person that popped into her head was Christopher, considering she had just seen him a few hours before, but she quickly shot that idea down, knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea for Chris to see a vulnerable point in Lorelai's relationship. Next on her list was Sookie, but, although she was her best friend, she could get a little too excited sometimes by certain things and not pay attention to the actual story. Lorelai decided that right now Sookie was her only option and started walking in the direction of her house.

It took Lorelai five minutes to arrive at the Belleville residence, five more minutes to work up the nerve to ring the doorbell, and an additional ten minutes to again work up her nerve, but this time to start talking.

"Sookie," Lorelai started quietly, "I think I just dumped Luke."

Sookie's shocked expression was one for the books. Her jaw dropped, her eyes wide, eyebrows shot up her head, and she momentarily lost the ability to speak. She knew Lorelai and Luke were perfect for each other, and so did everybody who saw them together. She quickly regained her voice and tried to comfort Lorelai, for Sookie could see the tears growing in her eyes, ready to spill any minute.

"Hunny, what happened?"

And then the babbling started. Even when Lorelai was in the worst of moods, the babbling trait carried on. "I don't know. I'm really confused because I love Luke, I have always loved Luke…I want to marry Luke, but apparently this is just a one-sided thing because for months he has been lying and keeping secrets. For months he has cut me out of his life. And it hurts, Sookie…I can't take it anymore, so I said now or never and he didn't answer, so I took his indecision as a no because if he was in this relationship like I am- if he was all in- he wouldn't have hesitated, he would have jumped in the car and we would have driven to Maryland and gotten married. But no, he doesn't love me anymore, and I hate that, but I guess I have to accept it. I mean you can't make somebody love you, right? But what did I do wrong…I don't understand him Sookie!"

By the time she finished, Lorelai had created a puddle on Sookie's couch and her once fresh makeup was currently smearing down her face in unison with her uncontrollable tears.

"Lorelai, you know that isn't true. Luke has always loved you and always will. He was just confused is all. And you probably just confused him more- made him more overwhelmed- than he already was when you went over there. And I'm not saying it's your fault, because I completely understand your decisions and point of view, but he was already trying to deal with April, and then his fiancée comes in and starts talking about how she wants to get married right now, and how there is no time to wait. That probably just made it worse. Luke isn't a spontaneous guy, so it wouldn't be like him at all to run off and get married at the blink of an eye," Sookie countered back with her own babbling.

Sookie tried to make Lorelai see Luke's point of view. It was so obvious that he was one of the best things that ever happened in Lorelai's life. You could see it when she walked into the diner and saw him. Her mouth would turn into a huge grin and her eyes would sparkle with love for the man before her. You could see it when she talked about him. The huge grin would be replaced with a small smile, but the sparkle would be identical. You could even see it when somebody did or said something that reminded her of him. Even in the slightest ways. The eyes always gave her away. You could see every thought…every feeling…every hidden emotion in those eyes.

"I get that he was confused, but he has known about this and been hanging out with her for months. Hell, he even threw her a birthday party. That doesn't seem confused to me…" Lorelai answered, the tears threatening to spill even more.

"Maybe you should just go talk to him, but this time, don't give him an ultimatum. You have to be calm when you go over there. We don't want a repeat performance," Sookie interrupted her rant.

Lorelai hesitated for a minute before speaking. Sookie could tell she was contemplating Sookie's suggestion. Lorelai sighed. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Can I crash here tonight? I don't think I'll be able to get home without doing something I'd regret." Lorelai seemed to calm down really quickly and that surprised Sookie, because usually it takes a lot more than that to talk Lorelai down from something like this. Sookie however, didn't question it.

"Sure, Hun…make yourself at home."

"Thanks Sook," Lorelai replied quietly.

The next morning, Lorelai woke up on Sookie's couch to the smell of coffee and breakfast. She slowly got up and made her way to the kitchen table.

Sookie could tell that she still wasn't fully recovered from last night, but who could expect her to be? Again, it was all in the eyes. Sookie could see right through the small fake smile on her face as she talked. Her eyes were filled with hurt and sadness, but you could also see the love in them too.

That morning, Jackson had left early to do something for work, and he had taken Martha and Davey to daycare on his way, so Lorelai and Sookie had the whole house to themselves. Throughout enjoying the wonderful breakfast Sookie had prepared, the women talked about random things including the inn, Rory, Martha and Davey, but not once was the town's favorite diner owner or Lorelai's possible breakup mentioned. They enjoyed their time hanging out together, but they both had to get to the inn, and Lorelai decided that on her way there, she would stop at the diner and talk to Luke.

After breakfast, Lorelai had thanked Sookie for the place to crash and the meal, but most of all for the talk. She then got in her car and drove home to take a shower and get ready for work. It took Lorelai an hour to shower, get dressed, do her hair and makeup, and get a cup of coffee. By the time she was finishing off her coffee, she was already pretty late to work, but she trusted Sookie to cover for her. After she rinsed out her cup, she willed herself to get in the car and drive to Luke's.

Lorelai pulled up to the diner about five minutes later only to realize that she hadn't thought about what she was going to do or say at all. So, although she was there in five minutes, she didn't actually walk into the diner until fifteen minutes after she left her house.

When she did walk in to hear the bell over her head jingle like it always did when she made her entrance into the diner, all heads turned towards her with shocked expressions which told her that the town already knew about the loud screaming match she and Luke had in the street the night before. As she approached the counter, Luke still hadn't looked up from the receipts he was looking at. "We need to talk," Lorelai calmly and quietly requested.

This caused Luke to look up, confused expression and all, too see his fiancée, who had basically dumped him the night before, looking tired and hurt. He hated to think that any of that was his fault. He nodded his head and motioned his head towards the curtain which lead up to his apartment, still unable to speak.

The night before, as Lorelai walked away, Luke felt his entire world crashing around him. He tried to go after her…tell her that he would marry her right there, right then, but his legs felt like Jello. He tried calling out to her…to say, "Stop!" or "Wait!" but his voice was gone. After a few minutes of standing in the street staring at the spot where she disappeared around the corner, not fully believing what had just happened, he turned around and headed back into the diner, still in a daze. The reality of what happened the night before hadn't hit him until he woke up, cold and alone in his bed, just like the past weeks while Lorelai had been avoiding him. He quickly realized what had just happened to his life and started thinking of ways to make it better. When his blue-eyed, usually happy fiancée walked into his place of work this morning, he wasn't any further on coming up with a plan than he had been when he woke up.

As he followed Lorelai up to the apartment above the diner, Luke wondered if she was here to give him another earful. "Luke, I said a lot of things last night, most of which I meant, but I shouldn't have freaked out on you. So, I'm sorry," Lorelai stated quietly, surprising herself by how calmly she was handling this so far.

Luke was almost surprised that she wasn't mad at him and that she was apologizing. "Lorelai, no…don't be sorry. I deserved it. What you said really got me thinking and if my head was on straight, we'd be married right now, but I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry for pushing you away, I'm sorry for not including you in my life where April was concerned, and most of all, I'm sorry for making you think that I didn't love you or care about you. I love you more than anything, and I do want to marry you."

Lorelai was happy to hear these things from him, but she knew that all of their problems couldn't be solved with a couple apologies. The couple stayed upstairs in the apartment for another hour, talking things through and making new plans for the wedding that was back on. By the time Lorelai left the diner, way late for work and smiling, the wedding plans were going to be for some time in August, Lorelai was going to hang out with April and Luke the next week, and Luke and Lorelai were heading towards where they were before the whole April incident.

Lorelai jumped in her car and started heading towards the inn as she thought about all the progress made in such a short period of time. She just hoped they would keep moving forward from there.

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This story is officially complete. I hope you liked it. Review please.


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